First, don't try to wing it, because you'll make mistakes and
look foolish. Why would you want to fake it anyway? There's no
shame in not knowing about a topic you've never studied. When
referring to something that's not too difficult, you may have
used the expression, "It's not brain surgery", but did you ever
stop to think that to a brain surgeon it might be just as
appropriate to say, "It's not accounting" or "It's not desktop
publishing" or even "It's not rock music"? Will Rogers once
said, "We're all ignorant - just in different subjects".
Personally, I believe the only reason I can't perform brain
surgery is that I've never studied it, but that doesn't mean I
am less intelligent or worthy than a brain surgeon, does
it?
If we're not embarrassed to admit we don't know about brain
surgery, or rocket science, why should we be concerned about
admitting ignorance of any topic? Perhaps there's a clue right
there in the word I used. "Ignorance" is a loaded term, isn't
it? But the Oxford Dictionary defines it simply as "lacking in
knowledge", with no connotation of shame. In fact, I'd suggest
that admission of ignorance is the first step towards
learning-and often to a truly interesting conversation.
To take advantage of this idea, try some of these conversation
encouragers:
I haven't had any exposure to the world of
professional music. Is it really as exciting as it looks from
the outside?
By using this wording, you are granting the other person the
status of insider. Since we all enjoy talking about our special
knowledge, that will usually encourage him or her to give you
all sorts of information.
Your enthusiasm about this subject is infectious.
What is it about it that so fascinates you?
You have subtly complimented the speaker, who will
subconsciously want to convey the same fascination to
you.
I'm afraid I don't know anything about the
publishing business. Would you explain what that expression
means?
When you have admitted ignorance of a subject, there is no
such thing as a stupid question, so go ahead and ask
away!
(By the way, this last question is also very useful when
purchasing services. Have you ever received an order back from
the printer, only to find it was not what you had envisioned?
You could probably have saved time and money by admitting your
lack of knowledge right up front and letting the specialist
help you order exactly what you wanted.)
Did you notice the common element in all three examples? Yes,
I am inviting the person to tell me more. There's no more
effective conversation technique than asking people about
themselves and their interests - and then genuinely listening
to their answers. During my networking workshops, people often
tell me they are nervous about meeting new people because they
don't know what to say. If that's your challenge, why not turn
this around, and consider what to ask?
Helen Wilkie is a professional speaker, workshop leader
and author specializing in communication. Check out her audio
program on networking at www.mhwcom.com/pages/valuefromnetworking.html.
Subscribe to Helen's no-cost monthly e-zine, "Communi-keys", at
www.mhwcom.com.
